How we plan brunch these days is abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous. (That’s tmesis for emphasis!) It’s 10am on a Saturday. You’re lazing about. Getting brunch should not be complicated.
Me: Hey guys, what about meeting up at that brunch place close to all of us? Zero line right now.
TikTok User: Only old people check in there. What about the Ramp?
Yelp User: It’s only 4 stars. Can we get a place with a higher rating?
Snapchat User: Also, Faboo6644 is gonna be at Park Tavern. We have to go. She wants to meet me since I’m part of her Snapfam mastermind group.
Instagram User: But it’s dim inside. I need natural light for the food banger pics. Let’s do Plow instead.
Yelp User: For real? Plow is so over done. Also, we can’t do Reverie. It’s cash only.
Instagram User: Yelp is over.
Snapchat User: Hah! I was thinking the same thing about Instagram.
TikTok User screenshots texts to make a video titled: If You’re Friends Are Like This, Then Do This!”
Me (to myself): What the fuck? I mean really? Jesus H. Fucking Christ.
TikTok User: Let’s skip brunch & figure out dinner later. Can someone log into their Facebook and ask our Facebook friend if they want to join, too?
Twitch User: Yeah, no problem. FYI, I’m live streaming our dinner.
